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Stream of Consciousness #406 September 4, 2016

Posted by icelikediamonds in Uncategorized.
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I’m decorating my day planner. I’m feeling artsy and kind of inspired (or motivated?), but unable to grasp the inspiration. . . subsequently, though I am creating (sort of) I feel restless. I am searching my mind for a song, image, word, story, person… something tangible that inspired me today. I am recalling nothing.

My Brainsparker app on my phone says “focus.” I’m trying. Focus on what?

Flipping through the undecorated pages of my planner.. I realize that those dull, grayish papers are my life. Undecorated. Just like these pages, I feel my life is lacking colour, sparkle, fun (spontaneity).

I feel like a robot at work “Hi, how are you?” *boop* *boop* *boop*Three days feels more like one long day.

The only one who can change things is me. I know this. I’ve tried to make changes, but as much as I crave and desire the change, I cannot seem to commit to my new habits. I can implement new habits, maintain them for about two months, and but then drop them as if I had never started in the first place. Things will never change like that. I implement the change/habit: encourage myself –> I continue the new habit: I praise myself –>  I drop the new habit: I chastise myself. Rinse. Repeat. Without consistency,  my dreams will never become reality and I will remain a sleeper forever.

A dreamer discouraged longs only to sleep.

I am tired.

 

 

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