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Feeding the Monster May 19, 2011

Posted by icelikediamonds in Uncategorized.
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Depression.

An ever-looming presence. It sits like a toxic sludge on top of my brain. I can feel it seeping and creeping its way further down inside. It affects more than just the way I feel – it affects how I see, think. . .  Every negative thought, every tear, every moment of anger – it feeds the Monster.

I tried to cut it out, to bleed it out of me, but it wouldn’t come out that way. I find myself becoming more and more belligerent. Tear me apart, maybe you will separate me, from It. There is frustration beyond compare. “I know the pieces fit, because I watched them fall away.” It’s maddening to watch things decay. It’s like you have no control. . like being bound in a straightjacket with your mouth sewn shut.

This monster is insatiable. It consumes me. I’m like Spiderman battling the Symbiote. I don’t feel like myself anymore. . I’m unable to even differentiate between what’s myself and what’s the monster. I’m some sort of hybrid fiend. What have I become? 

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