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Ashes to Ashes August 13, 2010

Posted by icelikediamonds in Uncategorized.

Today is a bad mood day.

My general attitude is “fuck off.” 

 I’ve been under more stress than anyone really knows about, and I’ve been doing a pretty good job of not whining about it. For the most part, people would be mostly surprised to know how generally unwell I have been feeling. Granted it’s been starting to spill out of my seams the past few days. . Home is a good place for me to be. Locking myself in this box feels more like a safety precaution than involuntary solitary confinement.

I feel like a volcano that wishes it could erupt.

I can feel all of this magma and lava swirling around inside me. I feel capable of setting everything around me ablaze (both literally and figuratively speaking).

I set a napkin on fire the other day and watched it burn. It was strangely both satisfying and sad. I felt like the flame, and then I felt like the fragile charred remains. After the flames had consumed themselves, the napkin was curled up and black, I touched it and it turned to ash. I pictured my own heart. I stared at it for a long time. As much as I’ve been burned, I should be ashes by now. Just like that napkin. Is that what I look like on the inside? Please don’t touch me.

I am the fire, I am the flame – then I am the ash.

The cycle of the Phoenix, the rare mystical bird that I’ve always associated myself with.

It sounds inspirational, but it’s maddening. Drowning in a sea of fire, buried in a mountain of ash. Burning only to be extinguished



1. MysterySoul - August 13, 2010

im sorry but the title reminded me of this
in the words of Rammstein
Warmer Körper
heißes Kreuz
falsches Urteil
kaltes Grab

Auf dem Kreuze lieg ich jetzt
sie schlagen mir die Nägel ein
das Feuer wäscht die Seele rein
und übrig bleibt ein Mundvoll

Ich komm wieder
in zehn Tagen
als dein Schatten
und werd dich jagen

Heimlich werd ich auferstehen
und du wirst um Gnade flehen
dann knie ich mich in dein Gesicht
und steck den Finger in die Asche

Asche zu Asche

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