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Between the Lines (The Things I Didn’t Say) May 12, 2010

Posted by icelikediamonds in Uncategorized.
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Me: I understand that you can’t seem to find the cookbook, but if you could drop off the other stuff, I would appreciate it. Thanks.

You: Yeah. I’ll try to remember. Although I’m getting the picture that I’m never going to hear from you again once you get it back, aren’t I?

Me: We’re not really communicating as it is. . . Holding my things ransom doesn’t really seem to be a solution.

You: I’m not holding anything for ransom. Like I said I just keep forgetting to put your book and charmed in the car. That’s all I have left belong to you. I want to communicate, to talk, but I understand that you don’t want to. I was just making a comment that once you do get them back it seems we wont rly ever converse again…

Me: What’s left to say? We don’t “converse” as it is. You haven’t made any effort to contact me either. I told you where I stood. I don’t know what you expected.

You: I haven’t made any effort? If it were up to me I would be talking to you all the time, I’m just trying to not interfere with what you are doing now. I wanted to comment on your facebook to say Congratulations on the job, and getting a car (even if it isn’t on the road at the moment). I’m just not sure what I should and shouldn’t be doing when it comes to you. Everyone went to Iron man 2, *Howard* said that you’d most likely be going too. I wanted to cancel my little excursion to *Cityville* and go with everyone when he said that, But I didn’t know if you would be able to enjoy yourself if I was there. What I expected is exactly what’s happening. It doesn’t mean it is what I wanted to happen. If what you’re saying is the reason that we don’t talk is because I don’t message you, and really you wouldn’t mind “conversing” then I will message you more. But, I just need to know that’s something you would like me to do.

You: Looking back at that, I’m thinking I shouldn’t have hit Reply. I’ll set a reminder on my phone to go off like 15minutes before i leave the house tomorrow morning to remind me to get your book and dvds and i’ll give it to hugh. You won’t hear from me again. Good Luck with everything.

My Thoughts: An attempt at reverse psychology?? 

Me: Ah, afterthought. . if only we were gifted with foresight instead. If you ever find that cookbook, please pass it along as well. It’s not really mine, so it would be nice if it were to be found. Thanks. . . .speaking of hindsight, there is probably a lot that I could say, but am opting not to.

What I Didn’t Say:  Perhaps someday I’ll be able to talk to you without having to fight the urge to vomit and spit in your face, and overcome the confusion of which to do first – But that won’t be anytime soon.

Why? Why did you even think to type that, let alone “hit ‘reply’?” From what I’ve been hearing, you’ve had (and still have) plenty of girls to keep your mind off of me. I can’t help but pity them. The poor sods are as stupid as I once was. . though judging from what else I’ve heard, they are of significantly less moral character. I am not one for hearsay or gossip, but these are the things that for some reason people seem to think is important for me to know. (For future reference people, I really don’t want to know what STDs he is probably contracting.)

I am a firm believer that “everything has a price.” At one time (as much as it now pains me to say it), the happiest times of my life were while I was with you. You were the very best thing that had ever happened to me.  How very suddenly you became the worst. Am I paying for it now? If I had one wish, it would be that I had never known you. What a shame that I would have to waste it on you.

     ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The worst part is, although all of this sounds like anger, it isn’t. The underlying feeling of this post is sadness. It hurts that drops of fire would fall so precise, and how everything would lost its meaning.

I realize that you may be reading this, and that you may have been for a while now. At least you know now, at least you know. . .

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Comments»

1. Mark - May 12, 2010

You need to listen to me more. When you reply to him stick with 5 words or less. Stop fueling him with thing that he can use to upset you more. Stop acting like you care. Stop half saying things and either say them or don’t. If you don’t cut off communication with him when you get your stuff back I’m going to cut off your legs.


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