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Like Marble Cheese May 5, 2010

Posted by icelikediamonds in Uncategorized.
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Earlier, I had this post all planned out. I was going to write all about the the times today that made me feel not so great. But then I decided how that would be counter-productive. I also realized that you can’t have the good without the bad. My newfound positivity seems to be nothing other than the product of a cleverly disguised self-defensive coping mechanism.

I’ve been trying to be positive all the time. But that turns out to be just as exhausting. I can’t keep up with it and then I end up feeling even worse because not only is it discouraging, but I’m fear that I will be sucked back into the mire of depression.

“Sometimes grief is like a suit of clothing, a favorite outfit that we have held on to for far too long, worn too many times. We cannot bring ourselves to throw it away; it cost a lot to acquire and we have grown accustomed to its fit. Sometimes that grief is all we have at hand to wear, and the other clothes on our wardrobe are nothing more than a row of shoddy-hanging corpses.” -Hum Drum, Gary McMahon

I feel as though things may be beginning to spiral again. Swirling vortex of black and blue. So many songs remind me of you. . .I think the radio does it on purpose. It doesn’t want me to forget you. Evil contraption. I missed him at one point today. The loneliness stole upon me, caressing the small of my back, kissing the soft space between my vertabrae.  “It’s 4:03, and I can’t sleep without you next me, I toss and turn like the sea.” Before that it was December. Love like winter.  I was going to talk about some of the good things of the day, but I can’t seem to think of them anymore. Please spit me out (turn your head if you have to).

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Comments»

1. skybreaksthesun - May 5, 2010

It’s a drag to hear about the bad times you have. You are right though, if you saturate your life with nothing but good eventually the bad will just explode. You got to allow both to be expressed.

I was told, however, by a motivational speaker and it is something that helped me out before, “if you fake a smile, after a while your heart will feel it.” but I think he was just trying to sell me his book on the Law of Attraction.

I am not trying to pry or anything, but do you still talk to the ex at all? Or is this one of those things where he completely severed ties?

P.S: I know it may bring up hurtful emotions but Shinedown is a great band.

icelikediamonds - May 5, 2010

I agree. I like Shinedown. 🙂 However, I disagree with “if you fake a smile, after a while your heart will feel it.” I believe that all smiles should be genuine and pure and only that! And no, I don’t talk to him. The only time we “speak” is like once a month when I send him a message to remind him that he hasn’t given me back the stuff I left there.

skybreaksthesun - May 5, 2010

Yeah like I said. I think he was trying to sell me a book or something. But I am not really one of those types that know what to say. I approach a lot of things with humor.

It bites that you don’t talk. I’m sure you’re better off anyway though right? 🙂


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