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Ramblings April 24, 2010

Posted by icelikediamonds in Uncategorized.

Another night of sitting home doing exactly the same thing. Oh look, it’s Friday. Not that it makes a difference. Life is becoming so very stale, and I am so very anxious for a breath of fresh air. It’s like being buried beneath rotting leaves. If the wind refuses to blow, I have aspirations to push through.

In the meantime, I need to. . .

  • get my car fixed
  • get back in shape
  • get in better shape

This will give me something positive to focus on that can provide tangible results. Being able to drive will help alleviate the stuck feeling, I’m sure. Relocation isn’t really possible, and probably won’t be for quite some time – so being able to drive my car is definitely a necessity, especially considering that I’m not within walking distance of ANYWHERE!

I tend to overwhelm myself sometimes with thoughts of where I’ll end up and how I’ll get there. Right now I would be content to know only that I am going SOMEWHERE. I need not concern myself with a detailed map, I need only a path through the wood. All journeys must begin somewhere. It doesn’t matter how far I could have been by now, it matters only that I take a step, and soon thereafter, another.

If this new job works out, that will be a great step. Unfortunately, I have to wait until some time next month (at the earliest) for the interview. Provided I am accepted, I must survive the following twenty-six weeks. That is the plan. I feel good about having a plan. It may not be the most prestigious or ambitious, but at least I have one. If it doesn’t work – then that’s that, I suppose, but there’s no need to concern myself with that now. Maybe someday I’ll even be able to get back to pursuing my acting career. . . And this is the part where I stop myself, lest I again become frustrated and overwhelmed. Overall, my attitude tonight was positive. I must try to keep it that way. . or at the very least neutral – I must try to keep my vicious pessimism at bay.  Back you snarling beast!

Remember darling, one step at time, one step at a time.



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